March 12, 2017 is the date my mom passed on from this world. Although there is still heartache, Im happy that she is no longer in pain. I didn’t realize the extremity of my mom’s condition when I first heard she was in the hospital. I got a message on FB from Michelle that our step sister Carrie had sent her a message about mom and that she was in the hospital. On the surface, it would seem that she was just drunk and that she had slipped and fell on the porch and hurt herself that way. Apparently she had banged her nose and hit her head. Carrie took her to the hospital, not sure how Carrie even found out, but mom refused treatment and insisted on going home. The next day or so, she was still in bed, not eating. Once again Carrie had taken her to the hospital where she was admitted because of exhaustion and dehydration. They also took X-rays where they discovered a couple of broken ribs. It was at this time when the three of us discussed we all meet to visit mom for what could be her last time to see all of us together. Michele wasn’t quite on board but after discussing with Rose, Deanna and my boss Tyler, I thought it would be a good idea for me to get my ass out there even if Michele didn’t make it. Michele made it.
I can’t say that it wasn’t tough to see mom in that condition. Even when she opened her eyes, it didn’t look like she was there. As she lay sleeping, it looked like she was already gone. It was then when I started to hear how bad off she really was. Maybe I was in denial but the plan was to just come into town, pay a quick visit and introduce Deanna and Michelle to Rose. I didn’t want to see anyone else; I didn’t even post anything on FB. Once I started to hear how bad off she was, the anger started kicking in. I was furious with her husband even before they started telling how bad off she was. I thought he deserted her. I knew he had been running around on her for many years, still my mom stayed with the bastard. It broke my heart to realize that she would rather be with this piece of shit than be alone. Still, even in the end, she died alone.
I was told maybe 5 years earlier that the cancer had crept into her lung. But never heard anything else after that, nor was it really even confirmed, it was all hearsay from Michele. Well, I guess it was true. I had found out that not only was it true, but it had spread. Upon her death, she had 5 tumors on her lung and that she had been in severe pain for the past year. She was drinking this whole time just to alleviate her pain. I also learned that her husband, in spite of his cheating ways, wanted to help her. He wanted to move her into Oaktree, the senior assisted living apartments but she said no. She made him leave and that’s where he moved to. He still stopped by the house nearly everyday to build the fire in the woodstove and check in, but I think that’s where the relationship stopped. Her life was now centered around alcohol and anyone who wanted to stop in and have a beer. I had also heard that there were times when she would wake up in the middle of the night, in pain, and start drinking again.
I remember years ago, maybe 86 or 87. Mom and I were drinking and I was fiddling with the guitar. I was never really any good but I knew how to play “Stairway”. As sloppy as I played it, she told me she wanted me to play it at her funeral. I let her down; I didn’t have my guitar. Still, I remembered a time when she was in the hospital, for what, I don’t remember. But I took her a cassette player and a few cassettes to listen to while she laid in bed. One of the tapes was by Gary Moore, Still Got The Blues. She absolutely loved that song and that’s the song I played for her from my iphone as I laid it on her casket. I guess I could’ve played Stairway on my iphone but I thought there was more to our relationship with that song. It connected us better.
I think about her all the time. Its hard not to; she was into music as much as I am and to be honest, she was into photography as well. Although her reasons were just a log of her life; no specific genre, other than recording memories. So many memories!!
Exploring with Rob 